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Decision-Making Process
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Decision Making Process
Once your suspicions have been confirmed with a positive pregnancy test, you
must decide many things. This can be an overwhelming process, complicated
by the fact that it is very much an emotional process. We encourage you to find
at least one person who will give you support without passing judgment.
This section provides you with a decision making structure and questions geared toward helping you sort out your
rational and emotional feelings about the options available to you. Every
option has emotional, social, spiritual and physical considerations. When
a pregnancy is unplanned there is no such thing as an easy way out. Each
choice represents gains and losses. Each woman must weigh her perceived
gains and losses in her particular situation to make her own best decision.
DECISION
MAKING STRUCTURE
To make a wise, responsible decision, you must be:
COMPREHENSIVE
Examine the options
of adoption, parenting and abortion as thoroughly as you feel is necessary for
you to understand their consequences. Examine the
impact of each option on your life as well as your ability to accept the
responsibilities and commitments involved.
REALISTIC
Examine each option and
resource of support realistically without using "wishful thinking."
Accept what others say as truth without assuming they will change later.
Accept what each option offers you even though it may not be the way you "want"
it to be. Focus on what is true rather than what
you fear.
HONEST
Be honest with yourself
about how you feel and what you believe. Recognize that
it is normal to need support and ask for help, it is responsible to understand
your limitations and strengths, and it is healthy to own and express your
feelings regardless of what they are.
CARING
Trust that whatever
choice you make, you are making it because you care, not because you don’t care.
How you make your decision and what is in your heart will make your choice one
which will honor your pregnancy and yourself.
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Decision Format
Consider
using the following format when making your decision:
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ABORTION |
ADOPTION |
PARENTING |
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Gains
Losses
Feelings & Beliefs
Identify Support |
Gains
Losses
Feelings & Beliefs
Identify Support |
Gains
Losses
Feelings & Beliefs
Identify Support |
Parenthood
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How do you feel about being totally responsible for someone
else for at least 18 years? |
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Is is moral to take on the
responsibilities of parenting if you are emotionally, financially or
educationally unready? |
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Have you proven your ability to take care of
yourself financially and emotionally? |
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How do you feel about giving up much of your
personal freedom and
your privacy? |
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Will you work, go to school or stay at home? |
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Who will care for your child if you go to work or to
school? Will you have to pay for daycare? How much? |
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Can you afford the costs of food, clothing, housing,
childcare and medical care? If not, how do you feel about government
assistance? |
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If you
already have children, how would having another child impact your ability to
meet their needs? |
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What support would you have from your partner,
your parents,
your friends, your community? |
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Do you know the physical risks of both pregnancy and
childbirth? |
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What would you lose from
making a parenting decision? What would you gain from making a
parenting decision? |
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How
would your partner, your parents, your family and those you would turn to
for support
feel about you choosing to parent? |
Marriage
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Are you
prepared to become adult, life partners as well as becoming parents? |
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How do you feel about living with your partner
on a daily basis and making decisions together? |
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Do you
believe marriage is necessary or are you comfortable committing to becoming
parents without getting married? |
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How do
you think this pregnancy would affect a
marriage? |
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How do you feel about mutual responsibility
and commitment to each other which will likely diminish your individual freedom and privacy. |
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If
either of you already have children, how would this marriage and another
child impact those children and your ability to meet their needs? |
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What kind of marriage have your parents had? Do you believe your marriage would be similar or different? |
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What do
you expect from your partner? What do you expect marriage will
be like? |
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How does your partner answer the above
questions? Are your answers similar or different? |
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What would you gain from a marriage under
these circumstances? What would you lose from marriage under these
circumstances? |
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How do your parents
or your family feel about your partner? Do they feel you
both are ready to commit to marriage? |
Adoption
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How do you feel about going
through 9 months of pregnancy and delivery and then giving your child to
someone else to raise? |
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Is it moral to bring a
child
into the world when you are unable or unwilling to care for this child? |
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Do you know the difference
between open and closed adoption? How do you feel about each option? |
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Do you know the difference
between private and agency adoption? |
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Would it make a difference
to you if
you had a boy or a girl? |
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Do you know the physical risks
of pregnancy and childbirth? |
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What do you envision your life
to be like in 5 yrs and 10 yrs if you chose adoption? |
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What would you gain from an
adoption decision? What would you lose from an
adoption decision? |
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How
would you feel if the child you released for adoption wanted to contact you
in the future? |
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Are you
aware of the legal rights of your partner if you were to choose adoption?
Does he agree with adoption or would he want to exercise his parental
rights? |
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How
would your parents
feel about you choosing adoption? |
Abortion
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How do you feel about being
pregnant? |
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How do you feel about being a
parent? How do you feel about adoption? |
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How did you feel about abortion
before this pregnancy occurred? How has your perspective or understanding of
this issue changed? How do you feel now? |
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When do you believe personhood
begins? Is it moral to stop a pregnancy that
has already started? |
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How far along is your
pregnancy? Does that impact your decision? |
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Do you know
what would happen during an abortion appointment? Do you
understand what to expect after the abortion and what the risks
of abortion are? |
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Have you
had an abortion before? How is this decision impacted by your
previous decision? How do your current circumstances compare
with your circumstances before? |
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What might your life be like in
5 yrs and 10 yrs if you chose to have an abortion? |
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What would you gain from an
abortion decision? What would you lose from an
abortion decision? |
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How
would your parents and partner feel about you choosing abortion? |
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How
would you expect to feel after an abortion? Who would you feel
comfortable talking with about your experience? What are other
ways you might express your feelings or find support? |
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